you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
