That's intense
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
