He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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