i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
