doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
