Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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