he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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