i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
