so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
