every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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