if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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