what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
