whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
