Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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