he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
