He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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