If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
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just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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