ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
