On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
