he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
