i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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