Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
