If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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