Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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