i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
