I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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