I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No subtext here. People are naked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
