Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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