and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
