Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
