escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
