why didn't you poke me back
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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