He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
