i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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