Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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