My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
