Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
