i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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