During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
