Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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