Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
