my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
