I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
