I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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