Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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