But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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