This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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