About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
