You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize