i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
