My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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