like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
