I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
