It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
