Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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