Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
