she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
