Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
