my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
