How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
