The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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