Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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