Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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