i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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