bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize