you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
