is your mom at the bar?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
