I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
