you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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