Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
